Birthday

Today is my 30th birthday, which I find completely strange. I do not feel 30. Actually, some days I feel far far older than 30 (MS has an uncanny way of making you feel about 85 some days!) but usually I still think I am in my early 20s or something. Funny how that happens, the whole aging thing. hehe.

I did receive a really good early birthday present last week. I had my MRI last Tuesday. I have been on Copaxone for 6 months now, so we looked into the old noggin to see how it was working and as of right now there are no new lesions and no active inflammation. So it would seem the Copaxone is doing its job.

While I am much relieved to have a good MRI, I would be lying if I didn't say I was also wary. It has been such a brutal rollar coaster for the past 2+ years that I hesitate to get my hopes up only to have them dashed again.

I have had a relapse pretty much every 4 months without fail. It has been 3 months since my last episode and I am truly holding my breath and I probably will be until well into the fall. I am desperate to be able to say I have made it 6 months without a relapse - what a milestone it would be. And yet there are people that goes years without one. I am so jealous of those MSers that I cannot see straight. I feel guilty that I am not rejoicing more over a good MRI, but I have learned that a clean MRI doesn't always correlate to a stable disease. Certainly, it is far better than the alternative. I think I just need time to prove to me that I, too, can be stable for at least half a year. And then slowly I will rejoice little by little as this medicine proves to me that it can fight off this disease properly.

Nevertheless, and in spite of my fear and wariness, as far as 30th birthday presents go...a clean MRI is a pretty good one.