In most areas of my life I consider myself an overachiever. I am also a bit of a perfectionist. I expect a lot from myself, sometimes more than is humanly possible; hence, my husband often teases me about trying to be "SuperWoman".
I am disappointed in myself for not healing faster, for still not being able to see straight...heck, I am even disappointed in myself for having MS! I am being silly, I know, but it is hard for an overachiever to swallow that she is approaching TEN weeks of "binocular diplopia" and showing little signs of improving vision. Why is my brain not healing faster?!?!?
It can be very discouraging.
I feel as if I should be moving forward and getting on with life, getting back to work, back to driving, looking for a house, going out with friends, etc, etc. Yet it is very hard to move forward and close this chapter when it hasn't been resolved. Tomorrow is my 8 week follow up at Shepherd Center, where hopefully they will tell me:
A) Yes, you are taking a bit longer to get your vision back, but still within normal parameters for this disease. Just hang in there and be patient a bit longer, OR
B) Hmmmm, you should probably be able to see by now, perhaps we need to run some tests and see what's going on in that noggin of yours, OR
C) No, you should definitely be able to see by now. Episodes ("detours") don't last this long. We could be looking at more permanent damage and disability here.
Obviously I prefer choice A). B) would be manageable. C) less than desirable, but then at least I would know what I was up against and could face it head on.
When the future of your eyesight is still in limbo, it is hard to move on and think about normal, fun things. But I hope to have answers soon and will keep fighting the good fight ;-)
We just returned on Tuesday from a destination wedding weekend for our friends Paul and Karen and we leave again tomorrow for Chris' uncle Rob's wedding. Lots of June weddings! But it has been nice to be able to attend them and be somewhat social (even if I have to constantly wink at people to see who I am talking to...I refuse to wear my pirate patch at a wedding - it just doesn't go with formalwear!)
So for anyone out there reading this - send me good luck "Choice A)" thoughts tomorrow 9am.
Will keep you posted and write more soon.