Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Just ask

Call it pride or stubbornness but I have always had a very difficult time asking people for things. I think asking for things, especially for help is hard for a lot of people. To ask for help is to admit you are vulnerable. And letting ourselves be vulnerable, even with the people we love, can be very hard.

Oh and in other quick news, my feet both started giving me problems yesterday. They went pins&needles/tingling/numb after breakfast and stayed messed up since then. Still mostly numb except that when I walk it feels like walking on...well, pins&needles, which sorta hurts! I think my body is officially staging a coup. It is trying to tell me something is wrong here. I just hope the lovely people at Shepherd Center can help translate what it is trying to tell me.

I wonder sometimes if I cover too much up with humor (my favorite fallback defense mechanism). Certainly I have my moments of being angry or crying and grieving the loss of good health, but I guess I don't share those with the general public much, other than blogging about it. I feel guilty that I can no longer do so many things that once came easily for me. I feel even guiltier having to ask for help with those things.

But generally speaking, people usually want to help someone they love. It makes us feel wanted and needed and important and connected to someone to be able to help them. My friend and WalkMS teammate, Tiffany made us dinner last night. Between the dizziness and the feet, standing to cook was a no-go and while I am sure my husband could have put something together, what a wonderful treat to have a delicious home-cooked meal simply appear! And if you ever have the pleasure of eating Tiffany's cooking...you are in for a gourmet experience. She is amazing.

Numerous friends have also offered their chaffeur services (and trust me, I WILL take you all up on it!) Even when you feel like crapola you occasionally still need to get out of the house for some mexican food, or ice cream...or both!

Asking for help is not admitting defeat. It is simply allowing youself to admit that No One should have to ride life's crazy roller coaster alone. And honestly a roller coaster is much more fun with your loved ones next to you, screaming and laughing and thrilled and scared right alongside you.

Off to Shepherd Center in the morning...wish me luck and good solutions from my team there. Will follow up about it asap.